Feeling back HOME

This December 2010 is the happiest month because I am at HOME.. the greatest feeling of going back is the feeling of all hassle things at home. My home is not a typical quite family and peaceful environment. We all have loud voice (I'm loud at home only). My parents and my sister are having high volume voice, we like shouting and yelling each other, it is not fun but that's my family type. I always wondering our neighbour might get used to it already and think our family always have arguments. While we tell about A topic it will develop to another D, G.F topic, from the past to present. It's funny somehow when I think of that. And, it is normal for me for not talking whole day. we are not a romantic family with lots of hug and kisses or warmth words. Well, this is not only my family and I think all families in this world would have the same experience. All I can say here is I love my family :D..


Another feeling is when I came to the temple and prayed in Sanskrit and Indonesian. I really love this feeling and how I missed to recite those mantras for ages. It feels fresh and enlightened my mind. I always pray "please always lead and guide me to the right way" because deeply inside, my heart telling me something has changed and I might go to the wrong way.

and oh yeah, I met my long lost friends. We havent met for ages..It was really nice while we were talking and laughing. Love you all my friends and sorry because we have lose contact for a long time and we will lost contact again. However, I believe...
"It does not matter if the person you used to close with or maybe this person has significantly changed and forget about you. Yet, the most important is you will always know and remember the feeling you have shared together. This feeling will never be replaced in your heart." We enjoyed the laughter and happiness and wish it will last and we hope we could forget all misery and sadness events in the past. In the end, all these memories would stay still in our deepest unconscious mind.

I might blame How could he/she change and totally different from the past, but then I realized that I am not the same person as yesterday and so does everyone..

Smile, how simple it is..

Today, I was inspired by the teaching of an American monk named Vimala Ramsi and I would like to write it back what I've got from the talk. He taught about meditation and how simple it is based on Sutta/ the origin of Buddha's teaching.

Meditation is purely to bring happiness for us thus we always see Buddha with a little smiling expression. We always think that this life is full of pain and suffer. We feel suffer because we have desire and attachment. While we can fulfill our desire we feel suffer like sadness, disappointment and all negative feelings come up. Could you still smile when you feel suffer? Yeah, everybody could.

Smiling every day would bring happiness even though we are in a bad mood. It is part of meditation though. When you aware with your anger or sad feeling you would not take it personally and see it as "it's only..." . You will not fight back or indulge in that feelings but just see it as "Oh, it's anger.." not "I'm MAD!"..... Of course, you have to practice it over time and I believe everyone can do it. It's important to know, hear the truth and when you can just "laugh" to it, you would feel relief and happy. Knowing the truth sometimes makes you deeply painful but then when you can just laugh to it, Why should I bother? It is a good thing!

We could radiate love and kindness by smiling, it shouldnt be reflected by our face but we can smile from our heart. When we see people suffering we CAN'T help to let go their pain, because it is "theirs".. we can not do nothing and we do not have to add more people by sharing pain..(this is the ultimate point for me, because I always think we should be sad in the sad situation or meeting sad people). Well.... we do not have to laugh or crazily smile while facing terribly sad situation but instead of doing that we could radiate our love and kindness, hope that they will be happy in their life and make them smile. Believe it or not, smile expression can stimulate positive signal to our brain and bring out happiness feeling. Plus, it is contagious! when we smile to others they (of course) have to smile back so that we give them one shot happiness ;p..

Overall, keep practicing smile to everybody and spread happiness, love and kindness from our heart. When happiness is an option, why we can not choose it as part of our life, having fun with problems and hurts (this is my words) and in the end you just look back and smile to it.

2010 Memories

WOW! It is almost the end of year 2010. Today I was reading one of my friend's blog and it is inspiring me to update my personal blog. I totally forgot about my own blog~~ sorry my blog :p

This time I am going to reflect back my 2010. Once, my friend asked me "how do you think of 2010, now is December.."

well...well.... All of sudden every moment flashed in my mind. What I have done so far..? what things i feel not satisfied? and in the end I can't regret of everything happened in my 2010.. what I can say "each year has different story, different moment and different goal"

This year I have noticed something changed with myself either I'm going mature or less mature :/ haha..

anyway, I realize Who Am I indeed. I am still a shy and reserved girl but this year I could do something that I would have never imagined. I do not have to explain what I did here. I could have lost the "OLD" me. Fortunately, it does not happen.

Thanks to people who I met this year with their totally opposite mind, attitude and behavior. The good thing is I can stand on myself, cause it is morality and psychologically challenging. I can't judge how bad people from their behavior because I know I am not good enough and not my business though. And it is totally wrong if I am comparing myself with others~ Everyone has different world.

"Letting go" lesson~ I saw how hard to let go someone who we love (because he/she leaves you or you have to leave him/her). Tears, angers, hatred, and denial. Forgive is the hardest part and I believe the harder we can forgive this person, the harder we can forget. By the way, it is not only about love issue, also for every relationship we have with family, relatives, and friends.

It is easily to say yeah.. I know. What I know, it is important to protect your own heart and yourself. After all, it is just mind-game where we do not focus much on how suffer and desperate your life cause actually it is not as worst as you think.

I met many people and see how people actually lost in their life, you know you're not alone. And some people who are really confidence with their life path and success. I might be the one who still do not know my future and I am desperately need a stable life. Every night I tell to myself, Ok, D.. what's next? what are you going to do next? a year has gone. My mood was up and down lately. I have finished all things here (just a little more) and I'm ready for the next stage of my life..

I would miss all FUN and relax time in Malaysia (maybe relax is not the right word because I always have something to do, finding something to make me busy or just to kill my time. I'm easily bored actually. However, it is considered as RELAX compare than super busy women at my age).

In the end, again, I'm struggling with myself, "Come on! what do you want?!" ~~!!