Cari kerja itu gak gampang...(1)

Sejak dari bulan Februari saya mulai melamar pekerjaan. Saat itu saya berpikir untuk bekerja menjadi guru sekolah internasional. Walaupun saya tidak mempunyai ijazah atau pengalaman menjadi guru tapi sejak dulu saat saya mulai memberikan les kepada anak kecil saya jadi tertarik untuk mengajar karena saya merasa ada keasikan sendiri, ditambah pula saya menguasai Bahasa Inggris dan Mandarin, dan sayang kalau tidak terpakai ditambah lingkungan di Indonesia kurang sekali menunjang praktek bahasa asing. Maka dari itu saya berpikir untuk mencari pekerjaan dimana saya dapat menggunakan kedua bahasa ini atau paling tidak mengasahnya dengan berkomunikasi. Pilihan saya tertuju pada mengajar karena dengan mengajar otomatis kita jadi belajar untuk meningkatkan dan mengasah kemampuan kita, supaya murid yang diajar juga makin bertambah ilmu gurunya juga menjadi lebih tau banyak.


Sekolah internasional pun jadi target CV karena di sekolah internasional otomatis kita harus menggunakan kedua bahasa tersebut saat mengajar anak-anak, ditambah dari cerita teman saya yang telah menjadi guru di sekolah internasional katanya gajinya besar (melebihi gaji manager loh! ya iyalah..1 anak uang sekolah 5 jt/bln). Sekolah internasional pertama yang memanggil saya dan juga interview kedua. Sekolah internasional ini bukan sembarangan sekolah dan mayoritas lebih ditekankan pada bahasa Mandarin.Saya pun senang sekali dapat panggilan dari sekolah itu, mulai deh membaca tips-tips interview cara berpakaian, posisi duduk, ekspresi, dll. Saat mengisi form tertulis di sekolah itu, tidak tanggung-tanggung saya menulis expected salary yang sangat tinggi (setelah saya meninjau ulang dan interview ke banyak tempat)!. 


Pada saat interview dengan orang pertama di ruang kelas (sepertinya jabatannya HRD) dia mewawancarai saya dengan bahasa Mandarain, karena saya melamar untuk guru bahasa Inggris atau bahasa Mandarin! Jujur, saya tidak ada persiapan jadi saat ditanya untuk memperkenalkan diri dalam bahasa mandarin, saya jadi kagok dan keliahatan tidak lancar ditambah pula lupa dengan salah satu sebutan untuk gelar S2 dalam bahasa mandarin, saya sempat pause untuk berpikir "apa ya?" dengan muka berpikir keras. Malu banget! dalam form yang saya isi kemampuan speaking chinese dari kurang, cukup, bagus, langsung dicoret turun level. Sedih deh :(


Selanjutnya, saya dibawa ke ruang wakil kepala sekolah SD disini saya wawancara dengan bahasa Inggris, bahasa Inggris ibu gurunya lumayan bagus untuk ukuran orang lokal tapi dia masih merendah hati kalau bahasa Inggrisnya kurang bagus dan mengucapkan maaf karena bahasa Inggrisnya yang kurang. Saat wawancara dengan bahasa Inggris tidak menjadi masalah, saya bisa dengan lancar menjawab setiap pertanyaan walaupun sepertinya ada grammar yang salah saat ngomong. Tapi yang lebih susah itu adalah pertanyaannya! 


Pertanyaan standar seperti "Kenapa kamu memilih kerja jadi guru?  gak kerja di kantor aja secara gaji di kantor lebih besar dari guru, latar belakang pendidikan juga gak ada hubungan sama sekali jadi guru.", pengalaman kerja dulu, apakah saya bersedia mengikuti peraturan sekolah seperti ini itu, dan pertanyaan yang paling susah menurut saya adalah "apa yang kamu lakukan kalau ada murid kamu yang berkelahi?", "bagaimana kamu mengatur kelas karena berbeda dengan ngajar les yang cuma beberapa orang, di kelas kamu akan menghadapi banyak murid?", "bagaimana kamu menghadapi orang tua murid yang komplain karena anaknya berkelahi di kelas?" untungnya hari sebelumnya saya sempat baca artikel tentang "class management" karena saya kan tidak ada pengalaman sama sekali menjadi guru, jadi saya gunakan isi artikel itu untuk menjawab pertanyaan ibu wakil kepsek. Kelihatannya interview berjalan lancar walaupun saya dag dig dug jawab pertanyaannya, karena tidak saya sangka bakal ditanya mendalam dan detail. 


Selang seminggu saya dipanggil lagi final interview dengan harapan berbunga-bunga saya kira saya bakal diterima jadi saya tidak begitu mempersiapkan apa2, hanya browsing-brrowsing artikel seandainya pertanyaan sama terulang dan bagaimana memperkenalkan diri sendiri dalam mandarin dan sudah terbayang-bayang akan ditanya soal gaji dan negosiasi, akan tetapi... (to be continue)....

I miss those memories

It has been almost more than 3 months since I'm back to Jakarta and Im still unemployed. I know this feeling is sucks and for most people who are jobless would feel the same. Besides of looking for a job, doing many interviews and practicing myself for interview...the most I feel is I miss all memories I ever had while I studied overseas..

I keep looking back how happy was I when I was in Malaysia and China, it felt so free....of course I still had homesick back then. I miss so many things that I have had experienced there..

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia..

this was my first time study abroad..I cried for the first 3 days and had homesick and need 3 months to adapt. But then, I get used to everything. Everything became so much fun.

I changed room twice and overall 4 roomates have stayed with me along my study there...Each of them has own characteristic and different experience. I never choose who is my roomate but then after they leave you may have some expectation what kind of person you wish to stay with. My first roomate was Indonesian, second was Iranian, third and fourth were Malaysian-Chinese. In the dorm, I stayed in double room , it is really mini size..maybe 4X6 metres, 2 beds, 2 study desks, and one shared-bathroom. we can see each other and the distance between our bed just 100 cm , I think. Only one person can walk on that distance. We cleaned our room by ourself and sometimes my roomate or me cooked inside the room. I must have breakfast everyday so the quickest and the laziest food is boiled egg, bread with jam and one glass of milk. I ate those breakfast during my stay in KL, now I feel sick with boiled egg.

I still can remember the memory of me walking every afternoon to buy lunch at Mama Kitchen near my dormitory. I went down to the lift, said Hi to the "Makcik" a security lady..then crossed the street ..the weather was terribly hot then I can see those Indian shopkeeper, Giant supermarket, Malay women who sold clothes, Pizza Hut...

Then I arrived at Mama Kitchen , a cheap Chinese ala carte restaurant.. sometimes I ate there if I went along with my friend, but most of the time I took it away..

The restaurant always crowd at lunch time.. Then I would pass the Mama, or her husband, or her son who are always at cashier.. We lined the queue, then their quick hands would count our dishes and gave us change.. mostly I spent 5RM-10 RM for lunch...and really big size.

Another restaurant is an Indonesian restaurant called "Kafe Mesra" selling TomYam and other Thai food.. It is weird while the chef and waitress are Indonesian but they sell Thai food? anyway, the taste are not bad, just we have to wait for a looonggg time, we often pissed off because we had to wait for almost 1 hour at dinner time. So we the other option is the Ali Maju, next to Kafe Mesra. Ali Maju is an Indian restaurant which most of the waitresses cant speak English very well but can speak Malay a little bit (food vocabs)..It is a Indian-muslim restaurant. They keep shaking their head after talking one word and it is really funny..but they always make mistake with our order. They sell Chinese food too and of course mix with a little India ingredients and style, the taste is really awful. The best to order is Roti Canai and some India foods.

Surrounding my dormitory is Bangsar area..this is quite high end place and rich people stay there. In Bangsar we can shop at outdoor Boutique or cafe-ing..I seldom to shop there coz can't bargain much even though the boutiques have many pretty dress..Oh, and they hold night market every Wednesday? (can't remember) it is really nice coz there are so many delicious and street foods there.. Hmm.. eating at night is like a habit for people there and trust me their food is really not bad..sluurrrpp!!

Then I spent my evening had chat with my friend on another floor or just stayed at level 1 to enjoy the aircon and saw other students while playing my laptop or doing assignments. Also, with my classmate rode her motorbike went somewhere, I missed her , we lost contact after she back to Batam.

Most of the time I spent for chit-chatting and I enjoyed it..then if I was not lazy I would go to my two close friends at Casa Damansara by bus..we had chat, watched movie, discussed assignments, cooked Chinese foods..then at night I went back to my dorm. FYI, as a student we got discount for the cinema ticket really cheap..9 RM (Ringgit) on weekdays at Tropicana Mall, 12 RM at Mid Valley..

On the weekend , Me and my friends went to some shopping centre at Bukit Bintang. I always like to go there, there are so many malls and stuffs from low price to high end, many foreigners walked by. We usually went there by bus and LRT..sometimes I went alone to a mall just because feel so bored..

Other nicest things are KL is near Singapore and the transportation to go to another cities are really convenient.. we can go to Pudu Raya- a bus terminal centre that has many buses that provide transportation to Malaka, Genting, Johor Bahru, ALor, Penang, etc...

I can feel adventurous feeling pumping up my body, it was really exciting to manage which city you wanna go     alone or with friends or family.

We blame, we don't respect

We blame each other~

you make this fault, why you never change? why you didn't do this?

She went to the room and muttered with red face, how messy that room. You all day here and why you never clean it?

*Those mess not me who made it, all stuff were not mine~ (grumpy). "It is useless to clean it when the person who make the mess never realize how selfish she is and never want to organize her stuff. Plus, she always hurt me with her attitude. ..(in my mind)

I went up to look if I could do something to help but then she slammed the door on face and shouted "Go down!"

Another 'She'came back from school complained about her clean and tidy room, blamed me why I didn't watch when the room was being cleaned. As the result, some of her stuff were gone.

We don't respect each other~

We are talking to each other very loud and impolite seem like I owe something to you.

Me: Please open the air-con I am sweating..

*No, it is raining outside, don't you see? Besides I don't want to open Air-con

I go down and open the fan..

*Then, she open the air-con.

Those kind of thins almost happen every day, rude and emotional conversation with impolite attitude, loud voice. People said "words is sharper than a blade" this is absolutely true. Today, I looked up the sky and wished I could leave this home very soon. Is it the best decision to stay here? I really hope can forget all these hurts and forgive them.

Everybody is selfish they think they are right and other is stupid. They only see everything from their side without thinking others' feeling. They think I'm ok with that, I'm used to it. They treat me like I am the wrong one. Please don't use me as a bin for your bad emotion. After you throw away your emotion to me and feel like nothing has happened, honestly it has created a hole in my heart. Even though you don't mean it, please be careful with your words. How can I respect my self if you always curse me. I can't speak out in this home, I have no right. How can I expect people outside listen to me if the closest people in your life never listen ?

Look inside myself

Reflection..:

Everyday I just feel that my emotions have changed, a little by a little..I'm not growing mature instead become more temperamental. I'm easily fussed, upset and less laughing..Gosh..

I think I always getting agitated since I was back at home, getting upset with all noises, annoying and impolite behavior of my sister (sometimes I just hope one day something can make her realize and change). Now I always ignore her hoping that one day her bad iritating words will eat her! I'm easily upset with hot weather too. This is ridiculous, I started doing frown face and grumbling with annoying things. As the result, these days when I saw my face in front of the mirror I feel old and ugly, an unhappy face in front of me..

:( dang!

Another thing is I just feel I can't communicate so good with my friends, hopefully this is just my feeling. It becomes indifferent or I'm just too "cold"?? whatever it is, I just miss old days.

I also always dreaming, some new targets what I wanna achieve but then I tell myself, "slowly and don't expect too much coz you will get hurt if you are not able to reach or make your dreams come true"...

Who's fault?

Today I was the audience of Dad and sis argumentation. The content of what they argued was not so important. My sis felt that my father gave her too much advise and made her confused all the time about what program she has to take in the uni. On the other side, my father didn't feel that he forced her or made her confused, he just wanted to help her by giving as much as information about schools and he complained how my sis was impolite and was not grateful...

Well, I can't blame anyone..I can understand my sis feelings'...and I can understand my Dad attitude, he always comments of everything, how we supposed to do, how he did, our mistakes and so on. It sounds that he is the right one...

Now let's see from Dad's view... he wants to tell us or guide us to choose in better way, and we just felt annoyed by that..He feels we don't respect him, dont wanna listen to his comments and advise..he has good intention and care his kids, what's wrong?

In my view, we don't understand each person character, we show our mind and who we are without considering others feelings or opinion. Dad less praises of our achievement. He perceives we haven't enough clever to handle problems and take care ourselves. But I know Dad just wants the best and wants us learn more. However, as their children it just make us become dependent, not able to make decision coz we are afraid we dont take the best decision and we are influenced with all advise and comments. FYI, our brain can't cope with too much information too. But I really appreciate my Dad, he really gives good advise and support whenever I feel not confidence and anxious. He is the most logical person and stable mind so this what I should learn from him.

Maybe one day when I became parents I would do the same and knew their feelings..

Hello and Goodbye...

Tic-toc... time is moving..my second week and my last month in Malaysia..

My mind is full of thoughts...too boring maybe. Yesterday, I passed my with my old classmate in English course, a quiet Korean boy. We used to be a good classmate in English course two years ago but we just seldom talking each other. After all, we just said "hello", 'hi', waved our hand, smiled then passed...

Till yesterday I saw him quite long..when we passed by. How long I haven't met this boy? Will I meet him again? Maybe not, the last thought is 'I will never see him again'..

This moment has made me think...Should I say goodbye to all my friends here before I leave this country? Should I make farewell with my friends here? Will we meet again? what would it be like? Will we still be friends?

How hard is saying "goodbye"~~~

But then, even though we are in the same country with our best friends, how often we meet each other? how often we talk with them? not only to friends, also to our family who we grew up with under the same roof

I counted how long I have spent time with my family... (ok I never can count time...those huors, mins, secs come to my mind hehe) but then, I just knew, it was much lesser time I spent with my old friends ..

I can't hope everything will be last forever. I had joy , I had fun, and I knew it would end one day ..

But I don't like saying goodbye and sad ending. Sometimes my intuition works, I just know I will meet him/ her again one day or wont meet him/her again ever in my life...

anyway, if u tell me "I' m gonna miss you", "We wont meet again.."

I would say:" Don't worry, we will meet again one day." I'm pretty sure with my unsure feelings who knows??!

The New Year is a new beginning

HOLA! HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011

Today is the first day of 2011. What is so special about new year? actually we do the same things as like yesterday and our normal days , don't we?

For me, the new year is new hopes that will come to my life, new stories to learn for the end of the year, new challenges so just get ready for it. I'm a quite adventurous person about new things. Am I always sound positive? HOnestly, I'm not. I have severe nervous attack and my brain can't stop imagining the worst events before I make a big decision or gonna do a new thing. Cause of this negative mind, it results on stress and sickness. what will happen when I'm doing this? Will I meet nice people there? Will they hate me ? what if they do this and that? what if I cant do well? will I be failed? "what if ".. and "will" questions are coming .

This anxiety disorder (that's I would call it to make it easy) was even damn worst when I was a teenager , high school period was a nightmare and college world was much better, I can't say it was a wonderful moment as like other people.

I still remember when I got my first English speech in the public. I was never thought be a winner in that speech would be so challenging mentally. I did my English competition in the afternoon and I won. I was so relax in the afternoon because I had prepared enough when it was my turn to deliver my speech.

P.S: it was only a small competition where I competed with other chosen classmates.

And suddenly, the jury told me the winner should deliver the speech again in front of parents and all students in the evening. DANG! starting from that hour, minute, and second, my heart was beating so fast and It was going to explode nearly my turn in the evening. I was walking back-forth hundreds times like an iron (if I was a real iron, the cloth would burn) and drinking all the way coz I had butterfly in my stomach (I dun wanna puke bfore my turn) ..my friend always laughing so hard every time she remembered this..

In the end, I did well with catatonic posture on the stage. I could not make a flexible gesture, my hands and feet seemed nailed on the place. I could not give my best smile to the audience. All I wanted was getting that speech done and walked down from the stage.

There is a sentence, everything is actually not that worst as we imagine. When I looked back, I have passed all those stupid anxiety making events, the results were not bad. And those challenges finally passed.

A title of one stories from Ajahn Brahm's book reminds me:

"In the end, This is gonna be over". It is applied when you are in the extremely hilarious mood, euphoria or in the desperately side of gloomy, stress and sadness... It is all gonna be over..

This sentence is gonna be my guide for 2011, cause I'm a bit nervous about studying to China next month~sigh. Anyway, it is gonna be a new story for me in 2011 as well...