Be Humble

Menjadi pribadi yang tetap rendah hati tidaklah mudah, ketika dalam hidup kita semakin bergelimang oleh harta, kedudukan, kekayaan, dan perasaan bahwa diri adalah seorang yang lebih baik, lebih pintar, lebih cantik, dan lebih sukses daripada orang lain.

Manusia lahir pada dasarnya tidak membawa apapun dan begitupula ketika meninggalkan dunia ini. Sama seperti seorang bayi yang masih polos, dimana anak tersebut tidak akan menilai seseorang ataupun kepada siapa ia ingin bermain dengan menilai kekayaan, suku bangsa, keadaan, siapa latar belakang temannya tersebut. Namun, seirin ia semakin besar dengan paparan lingkungan, pola asuh orangtua, keinginan, kepemilikan materi, gaya hidup, pikiran-pikiran iri, cemburu mulai berkembang dan ingin terpuaskan. "Diri" sebenarnya terlupakan, terkontaminasi dan semakin jauh, ia menyadari namun pertahanan diri perlahan keluar "Ya, saya berhak memiliki kenikmatan ini kan ini hasil jerih payah saya..", "Memanglah dia tidak bisa apa-apa, memang pada dasarnya seperti itu.." dan lainnya..

Ketika seorang menjadi sombong karena kelebihan-kelebihan yang dirasakannya saat itulah esensi mengenai dasar kebaikan manusia dipertanyakan.  Tentu saja, pribadi yang rendah hati masih banyak dapat kita temui karena empati dan kesadaran bahwa apa yang dimiliki adalah hasil keberuntungan, kerja keras, namun apa yang kita peroleh tetaplah tidak kekal.

Arrogance, excessive pride and self-conceit were projected as dreadful enemies. Indeed, they are the destroyers of our true "self". They are the product of illusion. When we begin to believe in the world of matter as the only reality, when we worship mater as the highest God, we kill our true "self". We become "self"destructive.

Quoted from "The Wisdom of Sundaland" Anand Krishna

2015

Happy New Year 2015. Semoga di tahun 2015 ini semakin jumlah tulisan blog saya meningkat daripada di 2014 yang hanya hitungan jari. :p

Semoga di tahun baru ini memberikan harapan baru untuk kita semua untuk terus berjuang, menciptakan dan mewarnai kehidupan dengan hal-hal yang baru, berharga dan bermanfaat, live to the fullest 

Kotak Nostalgia

Kegiatan berbenah-benah kadangkala menjadi sesuau yang meyenangkan, kebetulan setelah lantai kamar selesai diperbaiki, barang-barang yang diturunkan dari lantai satu harus dibereskan kembali dan diboyong ke ke kamar. Sekalian pula dibersihkan dari debu-debu selama renovasi, satu per satu kotak berisi peninggalan barang lama dibuka dan dilap kembal

Kotak pertama yang membuat saya agak terkejut-kejut ternyata saya pengoleksi komik Crayon Shinchan hampir 20 komik Crayon Shinchan ada di dalam.. ya memang komik-komik tersebut dibeli dengan sadar sepenuhnya :D.. satu-satunya komik yang bisa membuat saya tertawa terbahak-bahak. Kemudian ada satu buah komik Dororonpa, si hantu nakal, 3 buah komik Fear Street by R.L Stine yang sekarang sudah tidak bisa ditemukan lagi di toko buku, kecuali toko buku bekas mungkin, satu buah komik Kungfu Komang, satu buah komik Kuku Nube, tiga buah komik Conan, tiga buah komik Doraemon dan satu buah serial cantik yang saya lupa namanya karena tidak berkesan. Bisa dibilang saya bukan penggemar komik romansa atau pengoleksi komik seperti anak-anak di tahun 90 an dan sampai sekarang. Sejauh yang saya ingat komik yang sering jadi pilihan kalau sedang ingin membeli komik dan mencari hiburan hanya komik seperti Master Q, Doraemon, dan Crayon Shinchan.. beberapa komik mungkin sudah hilang entah dimana dan sekarang saya sedang memikirkan mau dikemanakan komik-komik tersebut sepertinya saya tidak akan membaca ulang komik Shinchan, but who knows I will.. 

Bacaan lainnya yang saya temukan adalah novel fiksi Harry Potter dari seri 2 - 5 versi Indonesia. Sayangnya, buku-buku itu mulai menguning mungkin karena terlalu lama di rak dan di kotak, kemudian seri terkahir Harry Potter yang asli dari dengan teks bahasa Inggris hadiah dari sepupu saya di luar negeri. Ternyata setelah saya amati tipe kertas yang digunakan untuk mencetak buku sangat berpengaruh. Seperti kertas novel Harry Potter versi Indonesia dengan bahan seperti kertas kroan lebih mudah menguning dan rusak, dibandingkan buku Crayon Shinchan yang umurnya lebih tua. Tentunya seiring era, buku-buku novel lainnya seperti seri Hunger Games hingga MockingJay masih tersimpan cukup baik walaupun mulai menderita kekuningan di bagian luar kertas. Seiring usia pula, buku-buku yang say abeli juga seleranya berubah, buku-buku motivasi untuk remaja bertebaran, How to be happy, stay strong, How to make friends, dan judul lainnya yang kurang lebih serupa. Dari judulnya tercermin simbol buku yang dibuat untuk remaja yang rapuh dan labil, yang mana saya akui masa remaja pencarian identitas tidaklah mudah. Buku-buku tersebut dari segi isi sanat bermanfaat yang saya kira panduan bukan hanya untuk remaja tapi prinsip-prinsip di dalamnya memang bisa diterapkan sepanjang hidup. Sudah lama saya tidak membuka buku-buku itu disamping keengganan untuk membaca kembali entah karena mengingatkan masa storm and stress atau saya sudah mengenal diri saya atau periode remaja sudah benar-benar lewat beserta cara pikir yang lebih matang.

Kotak kedua, sebenarny bercampur dengan barang-barang koleksi adik saya. Namun yang membuat saya terkesan adalah diari-diari. Membaca kembali diari sangat menarik, satu atau dua diari saya mungkin sudah hilang enath dimana hingga yang tersisa adalah diari masa SMP hingga SMA yang menurut saya penuh dengan emosi. Jika diiingat kembali diari saya memang pelampiasan emosi dengan penuh tulisan dan saya masih mengingat agak sedikit lega setelah menulis unek-unek dan masalah dalam hati. Mengingat diari pada umumnya rahasia dan setelah diari itu habis kemudian saya meggunting setengah dari halaman diari. Mungkin itu pula adalah simbol melepas masa lalu karena saya tidak menemukan diari lanjutan dan jarang sekali menulis kembali. Namun, ketika membaca kembali selain cerita penuh emosi adapula cerita-cerita lainnya yang membuat saya berpikir "Ok, pasti gw salah tulis di bagian ini!" dan merasa bodoh sebenarnya apa yang menjadi pikiran saya ketika meluapkan perasaan seperti itu. Anyway, ternyata hal-hal yang terjadi di masa lalu benar adanya pelajaran, kesedihan, kebodohan, keluguan dan jika dilihat kembali sebenarnya tidak terlalu serius. 

Kotak ketiga, kembali lagi ke buku-buku pelajaran selama kuliah, belajar bahasa Inggris yang mayoritas dari buku cetakan luar, buku-buku bekas yang berisi, buku-buku novel petualangan, fiksi dan non fiksi yang belum sempat saya baca. 

Roommate: A stranger who comes to share in your life

Everybody will have many experiences while they study abroad, business matter, thus they have got to share a room or maybe a better one is one unit apartment with another persons. Roommate is quite interesting, whether she can be your close friend or enemy. A person who might be know you better than anybody.

In a room where you have to share you comfort zone, a person who may see what do you do everyday and your habit in the room. Talking about roommate somehow is funny, maybe you learn something from "sharing"experiences.

Mt first roommate when I studied abroad in Kuala Lumpur was a Indonesian girl. She was younger than me four or five years. But she was mature enough for her age. Inside her hijab she is a beautiful girl, mix of Arabian ancestors and Indonesia. We can mingle quite well together. As a roommate, I don't have any awful habits, just cleanliness is number one for me. Our room is very small, 3x4 m, with two bedroom, two study desks, two cupboards, and one toilet. The space between our beds just enough for one person to walk by. It was easily to bump each other. During the first month, we tried to understand each other habits and had chit chat. Everything was going well. She has had a boyfriend in in another town in Indonesia and hide this relationship from her parents. I found she often fly back to meet up with her bf and absent from class. Plus, our room was very humid, fungus appeared very three days on the cupboard and I couldn't stand with that green fungus. While, she often did not stay in the room, her cupboard became so green! and I wiped her cupboard every time the fungus got horrible. After three months, when she was going back to her hometown, I wrote a leaving letter, saying sorry for leaving the room without telling her personally. 

I moved to another room, with an Iranian girl. She was an innocent girl who started to learn English. She was 19 years old and had a 40 years old Iranian man as her boyfriend. This man was old enough to be her father. Anyway, another complicated story began. Her BF from Iran went to meet her. They always argue and fight. I heard that she has got married (under religion). Living with her was emotionally exhausting. She could shout and spoke in Iranian when she had fight with her husband then cried. It was terrible cause it was not for one time or two times but every week must be something happened. Once I was studying and she spoke loudly in her language, angry. I counted time cause it was my room too. Then I could not stand anymore, I packed my laptop, slammed the door and went to lobby. She seldom went out for dinner or shopping with friends. when she felt guilty she would clean the room. Patience is a key to bear with this kind situation. Negative emotions is really influencing my mood. Fortunately after all storm, her family came to KL, then she wanted to move out, her family wanted to buy an apartment. I was not sure, cause she did not have a real plan of her life. After several weeks she left, staying outside with her family, she came back with blue hair and without her hijab! Her look has made me shocked for seconds. She took her stuff from our room and we said goodbye and hug each other. I felt relief.

Another Chinese Malaysian girl came to place the empty bed. This girl is cute and innocent, really clean! She wiped the floor with hands and her stuff was really organized. She has obsessed with cleanliness more than me. I learned to wipe the floor with hands too since the room was very small. She was the last roommate before I finished studying. Even though we did not talk much because she was not confident with her English but we share laughter very well.

Some kind of others' roommate maybe hangover every day, bring her bf in the room, smoking, drinking, and messy. That might be a hell if we cannot accept those behaviors. We just have two options if we can't accept it, it could be being very stubborn to keep our right of the room or just move to another room.

Anyway, even though, a roommate may share a short time with my life, but from this experience I learn how to accept people in my life.
A nice roommate, A person who knows how you snore every night, how you sick, sad, angry, even when you unconsciously fart (without telling to other people), she might be the only one who is willing to accompany you to find some food at night. Respect and tolerate are the key for everybody who shares their private zone with roommates! :)

Ketika "kalau" membayangi

Istilah "kalau".."jika saja" ..only if.. seringkali terdengar dan diucapkan dalam setiap momen dalam hidup kita. Suatu hari ketika saya mengadakan kuiz dimana mahasiswa saya yang tidak serius dan tidak belajar, terkaget-kaget dan terpusing-pusing dengan soal kuiz. Siapa suruh menganggap remeh kuiz dalam hati saya, padahal sudah diberi waktu untuk belajar, masih kurang baik apa coba. Kemudian saya tekankan bahwa nilai ini mungkin akan diambil sebagai porsi dalam UTS (yang mana belum tentu kan "mungkin"). Muncullah komentar-komentar dari si para mahasiswa yang sebenarnya belum bisa dibilang "maha", berkomentar "Kalau saya tau buat UTS mah saya juga belajar". Anak-anak jaman sekarang motivasi belajarnya apa sih?!

Kalau, kalau... kalau dipikir-pikir apakah bukannya sudah terlambat pemikiran seperti itu..

Kalau saya tau soalnya sesusah itu, saya belajar

Kalau saya tau soal bahan X yang keluar, pasti nilai saya bagus 

Kalau saya baca, mungkin nilai saya tidak sejelek itu 

begitupula berapa banyak kata kalau yang ada ketika kita memilih pekerjaan, memilih pasangan, memilih teman, mengambil keputusan dan sebagainya

Berapa banyak kata kalau ini menyesatkan hidup, ketika kita mengucapkan "kalau" pada intinya adalah sebuah kata penyesalan, sesuatu yang tidak bisa kembali lagi. Hingga akhirnya saya sampai pada satu simpulan, kondisi untuk peristiwa "kalau" pada dasarnya ada dua yaitu sesuatu yang sebenarnya bisa kita kontrol dan tidak bisa kita kontrol.

Seperti kasus kalau saya  tau..tentu saja sebenarnya si mahasiswa bisa mengontrol bukan? pada intinya kuiz pun pasti berkaitan dengan nilai toh..kenapa gak belajar? hingga akhirnya berujung pada kesimpulan, ketika kita meremehkan sesuatu dan tidak mengontrol peristiwa yang seharusnya dapat dikontrol, lalu mengapa kita tidak berusaha mengontrol sebelum hal yang membuat kita tidak senang dan menyesal terjadi?

"Kalau" lainnya adlah sesuatu yang tidak bisa kita kontrol. Betapa itu adalah kehendak garis nasib. Peristiwa-peristiwa yang dapat terkontrol, menimbulkan penyesalan. "Kalau mereka tau pesawat itu akan hilang, sekarang mereka pasti akan selamat", "kalau dia tidak pergi ke mall, pasti HP nya gak kena copet!". Pada akhirnya untuk persitwa "kalau" seperti ini kita hanya dapat pasrahdan menerima karena memang walaupun kita tahu peristiwa itu juga tetap akan terjadi. 

Pada akhirnya semua bergantung dari cara berpikir, ketika penyesalah sudah datang terlambat, untuk hal-hal yang masih bisa kita kontrol sebagai manusia, perbaiki dan berusaha lebih baik lagi. Semangat!

Every new year is a hope

Looking back at 2013 that I only posted 2 artcles, what I had been doing last year?
June 2012 I started working and I spent 2013 year with kept busy with my work and all hassles, it consumed my mind and energy.. sometimes I asked myself, is this the work I want to pursue? what's next?sometimes everything felt static, nothing change. I always looking forward of Friday cause it means tomorrow is Saturday :P. Some friends have their own family and busy either with their own work.

But, I got knew that this is maybe adult life, burden with work, time to pursue money and love, find a life partner, get married, raise children.. and I just have accomplished few. Working life, some kind of youth friendship has became faded slowly, the feeling was there different. Working life, a period that I thought social life will not change, actually it is. Colleagues still colleagues, few of them and could be your truly friends. Working life, a period to meet cunning people and all politics and gossips go on.

Every new year I give my hope for the year ahead, this year 2014, hoping for my country, my parents, and my life.

The Timekeeper

Ketika baru lulus kuliah atau mendengar seseorang tiba-tiba sudah punya anak besar-besar..."Wah, waktu berjalan cepat sekali ya.. tidak terasa". 

 Ketika seseorang dikejar-kejar deadline "Saya butuh lebih banyak waktu lagi nih.." 

Ketika seseorang tersadar masih banyak yang  belum ia lakukan: "Ya Tuhan, sekarang sudah November.. sebentar lagi tahun 2014 lagi."

Ketika bersama-sama reuni dengan teman-teman merayakan ulang tahun: "Kayaknya baru kemarin ya rayain ulang tahun.."

Ketika seseorang dalam keadaan sekarat dan menghitung waktu: "Tuhan, berikanlah saya waktu sehari, beberapa minggu, sebulan, setahun lagi.."

Ketika seseorang stress dan tidak ingin hidup lagi:"Buat apalah hidup lama-lama, tidak berguna.."

Ketika seseorang menunggu gajian: "Cepetan donk sebulan biar cepet dapet gaji..!"

Kalimat-kalimat seperti ini seringkali muncul dalam pembiacaraan kita sehari-hari, begitupula dengan saya. Saya seringkali mengeluh ya ampun kok waktu berjalan cepat sekali dan ada perasaan sudah tambah tua aja nih... 

Jika diperhatikan lebih lanjut, semuanya adalah mengenai WAKTU.

Kemudian, saya menemukan sbeuah buku yang berada di tumpukan buku-buku SALE yang berantakan. sebuah buku dari pengarang favorit saya sejak dulu Mitch Albom, mungkin ada yang pernah baca Tuesdays with Morrie? atau Five People you Meet in Heaven?

Buku SALE yang tanpa ragu-ragu saya pungut dan beli The Timekeeper....

Di awal-awal bab sempat membuat saya bingung dengan cerita yang terlalu fiktif diluar nalar, cerita yang dirangkai membahas dari manakah konsep waktu itu muncul beribu-ribu tahun yang lalu, hingga akhirnya kita mengenal jam, menit, detik, hingga hari dan bulan.... hal yang tak pernah saya pikirkan sebelumnya. entah itu fiksi atau non fiksi dari Mitch Albom, semakin ke belakang semakin ada makna..hingga sebuah kalimat yang cukup mengena: karena manusia terus memikirkan waktu maka timbullah kecemasan. Coba dibayangkan seandainya manusia tidak pernah tahu tentang waktu langit terang gelap dan tidak ada jam di dunia ini..mungkin kita tidak perlu cemas tentang si waktu ini....tidak ada perasaan waktu terlalu cepat ataupun terlalu lambat..

Cerita terus berlanjut dimana si penemu waktu ini harus bertanggung jawab dan menjadi si penjaga waktu sebagai hukuman, mendengarkan keluhan-keluhan semua orang di dunia mengenai waktu dikurung di sebuah gua sendirian. Hal lainnya selama dia menjadi penjaga waktu adalah ia tidak akan tua dan terus muda. Hingga akhirnya dia memiliki kesempatan untuk lepas dari hukumannya untuk menolong dua orang yaitu seorang gadis muda yang hendak bunuh diri karena dipermainkan oleh seorang teman pria dan seorang kakek tua kaya yang tidak rela untuk mati, memutuskan menjadi bahan percobaan di lab mengawetkan tubuh dan organ-organnya di sebuah tabung besar, berharap penyakitnya bisa disembuhkan beratus-ratus tahun ke depan sehingga ia bisa hidup kembali di masa depan.

Isi buku ini cukup sarat makna jika bisa menyelami alur cerita dan kalimat-kalimatnya. Gadis remaja tersebut membuat ia tersadar akan kebodohan yang ia lakukan menyia-nyiakan hidupnya karena cintanya yang dipermainkan, mengabaikan cinta dari orang-orang sekitarnya, dan terpaku pada keburukan-keburukan dirinya. Ia sadar bahwa waktu yang ia punyai harus dimanfaatkan untuk hal-hal yang lebih berguna dengan memperhatikan kasih sayang dari orang-orang yang sayang kepadanya.

Kakek tua yang seharusnya menerima dan menghabiskan waktu bersama istrinya namun justru sibuk mengatur kekayaan di hari-hari terakhir dan mengabaikan istrinya. Ia pun tersadar apakah keabadian hidup itu menjadi berarti jika justru semua orang-orang yang dicintai telah pergi.

Menurut penelitian (bukan fiksi yaaaa hehe), waktu sebenarnya bergerak secara konsisten dengan tempo yang sama namun persepsi otak kitalah yang membuat waktu terasa cepat ataupun lama. Sebuah informasi atau hal yang tidak biasa dan mengejutkan akan terasa begitu lama buat kita. Seperti halnya ketika kita sakit ataupun ketika berada dalam situasi yang mengejutkan atau mengerikan, peristiwa itu akan terasa lebih lama. Tetapi lain halnya ketika kita melakukan hal yang menyenangkan atau banyaknya hal yang dilakukan dengan menggunakan otak kita maka waktu akan terasa lebih cepat.

60 lantai kehidupan

Suatu hari ada tiga orang karyawan yang ingin bersama-sama masuk kerja. Namu, ketika mereka masuk ke lobby ternyata lift yang ada sedang rusak sedangkan kantor mereka terletak di lantai 60. Mau tidak mau daripada tidak masuk kerja akhirnya mereka memutuskan untuk naik tangga darurat sampai ke lantai 60.

Mulailah bersama-sama mereka menaiki tangga, yang akan amat melelahkan. Bapak A kemudian berkata:" Hey, teman-teman daripada bosan selama menaiki tangga ini, bagaimana kalau saya cerita lucu-lucu?" kedua temannya pun setuju, siapa tahu dengar cerita lucu perjalanan yang melelahkan ini akan tidak terasa.Bapak A lalu mulai bercerita dan memang dia orang yang lucu dan pandai bercerita,kedua teman lainnya pun tertawa terbahak-bahak.

Akhirnya sampailah mereka di lantai 20, Bapak A menyerah "haduh, sudah capek saya cerita dan cerita lucu saya sudah habis, gimana nih? gantian kalian deh.". Bapak B lalu menyahut, "saya gak bisa cerita lucu-lucu, tapi saya bisa bernyanyi, gimana kalau saya bernyanyi saja?" kedua teman lainnya menjawab "OKE lah.."

Bapak B kemudian mulai bernyanyi walaupun suaranya pas-pasan tapi masih bisa diterima oleh telinga. ia pun bernyanyi segala lagu yang ia tahu, mulai lagu cinta, lagu putus cinta, lagu gembira, lagu sedih, lagu kemenangan, lagu kekalahan, dan segala rupa lagu. Perjalanan naik tangga sedikit terhibur.

Sampailah mereka di lantai 40, lagu-lagu Bapak B habis, suara juga sudah serak. Bapak B sambil batuk-batuk berkata "suara saya sudah habis nih, lagu-lagu yang saya tahu juga sudah saya nyanyikan, ayo gantian lagi.."

Bapak C kebingungan, "gimana yah..saya gak bisa cerita lucu dan gak bisa nyanyi..". salah satu temannya menjawab, "apa saja deh yang kamu bisa, sedikit lagi nih sampai ke kantor". Bapak C akhirnya berkata," mmm.. bagaimana kalau saya cerita kisah kehidupan saya?" kedua temannya berpandangan, lalu menjawa" Okelah.. cerita saja!"

Bapak C lalu bercerita tentang kehidupannya mulai dari dia lahir, masa dia kecil, permainan apa yang dia lakukan, dimana ia bersekolah, masa Tk hingga kuliah, pacaran pertama hingga menikah, usaha bisnis yang pernah ia lakukan, dan tak terasa mereka sampai juga lantai 60!!

 "HOREE..!" ketiga bapak ini kesenangan sampai juga mereka di kantor mereka yang masih terkunci. Bapak A meraba-raba kantongnya, "Gawat! kunci kantonya tertinggal di rumah! Bapak B, kamu bawa kunci tidak?". Bapak B dengan wajah polos, “lah.. saya kira kamu bawa jadi saya tidak bawa.” Bapak C juga dengan wajah berdosa, “maaf bapak-bapak saya lupa kunci saya taruh dimana…”. Ketiga bapak itu yang tadinya ceria sekarang saling berpandangan *speechless

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Makna dari cerita tersebut bukanlah sebatas humor namun ada makna yg lebih dalam terkandung di dalamnya...

Bapak A dengan cerita lucu-lucunya hingga lantai 20 merupakan gambaran dari kehidupan kita ketika kita lahir hingga berumur 20 tahun, semua terasa ringan, gembira, penuh dengan hal-hal lucu yang terjadi di masa-masa tersebut.

Namun ketika kita beranjak menuju 20 tahun sampai 40 tahun sama seperti nyanyian-nyanyian yang dinyanyikan Bapak B. Kehidupan setelah 20 tahun akan lebih dipenuhi konflik, entah senang maupun sedih. Di masa-masa ini karir, mencari pasangan hidup, pernikahan, keluarga, anak-anak penuh dengan masa-masa gejolak, jatuh bangun, masa-masa bahagia dan susah dan masalah-masalah yang harus dihadapi.  

Ketika berusia 40 tahun ke atas kita mulai beranjak ke lanjut usia, pemikiran-pemikiran lebih matang dan lebih ingin untuk menikmati hidup. Seperti yang digambarkan oleh Bapak C di lantai 40 hingga 60, begitupula di masa-masa menuju lansia orag-orang akan cenderung unutk mengenang masa-masa lalu bercerita atau sharing mengenai masa mudanya, perjalanan hidupnya jaman-jaman masa kecil hingga dewasa.

Begitulah kehidupan yang harus dijalani, ketika saatnya untuk menghadapi gejolak-gejolak hadapilah. Waktu terus berjalan tanpa terasa entah siap ataupun tidak, isilah kehidupan dengan arti dan hal-hal yg baik, tidak ada kata terlambat ataupun harus menunggu hingga kita pensiun baru membuat benih-benih kebajikan. Hingga akhirnya suatu hari kita punya cerita yg bermakna untuk diceritakan kembali.

Tulisan ini bersumber dari cerita Dhamma oleh Bhante Kampai~

Cari kerja itu gak gampang... (2)

Lanjutan dari blog sebelumnya...

Oke di hari Final Interview, dengan full of confidence, full of hope, full of excitement ..saya sempat gak menyangka kalau emang diterima betapa senangnya dan cepatnya dapat kerja..

By the way, saat interview saya sempat berkenalan dengan pelamar lain yang lebih berpengalaman dari saya dan sedang mengajar di salah satu sekolah internasional juga. Di final interview ini saya bertemu lagi dengan cici ini, kami sempat mengobrol dan saya akhirnya tahu di interview tahap pertama saya tidak disuruh demo teaching padahal setiap akan melamar jadi guru pasti harus melewati tes ini tapi saya tidak. Saya sempat bersyukur untung gak disuruh demo teaching karena saya juga belum siap dan masih blank ngajar di depan itu kayak gimana tapi lewat juga malah dipanggil untuk final interview...

Saatnya tiba final interview, saya pikir saya akan ketemu dengan kepala HRD tapi tak disangaka saya dibawa ke ruangan untuk interview dengan Kepala Direktur Yayasan dan Kepala SD (lupa jabatannya apa yang pasti ibarat kepala paling tinggi di sekolah itu). Seorang ibu yang mungkin menuju 40 tahun dan seorang bapak yang lebih tua mungkin menuju 50 tahun. Saya di tes ulang lagi disuruh memperkenalkan diri dengan bahasa Mandarin, saya sempat bingung dan jadi kesal mungkin disini letak kesalahan terbesar saya. Kemungkinan emosi ini terbaca oleh si Ibu. Karena dalam pemikiran saya kenapa saya di tes ulang yang sama dengan tahap pertama, seakan-akan interview tahap pertama dengan Wakil Kepsek SD itu tidak berlaku atau useless, tapi saya tetap jalani dan saat saya berbicara dalam Mandarin jauh lebih  baik dari interview tahap pertama. Selanjutnya, seakan tidak percaya saya mampu dan level hasil belajar saya hebat atau tidak, Bapak itu menyuruh saya membaca tulisan kaligrafi yang berada di belakang saya, tentu aja saya gak bisalah..! Saya langsung bilang level Mandarin saya belum sangat tinggi hanya level menengah, belajar 1 tahun gitu gak sampai tinggi-tinggi amat levelnya..tapi dipaksa baca tulisan yang kayak benang kusut itu..akhirnya saya cuma bisa baca 1 atau 2 karakter pertama terus gak tau terus ada yang bisa baru dibaca, akhirnya ngeliat saya kayak gitu langsung disuruh STOP.

Okay...ini salah satu yg bikin saya down abis dan sebel juga tes Mandarin apaan tuh. Akhirnya mereka tes bahasa Inggris, mulailah percakapan dalam Bahasa Inggris yang pertanyaannya lagi-lagi sama dengan interview tahap pertama kemaren, saya jadi makin sebel pertanyaan diulang-ulang jadi gak sabar cuma dalam hati aja sih. Sampai pada pertanyaan yang menurut saya menjatuhkan penilaian si Ibu terhadap saya: "What do you see in children??"..Saya diam lama, berpikir apakah saya jawab "because they' re cute, innocent?" jawaban apa yang keliatannya gak dangkal, gak tau mau jawab apa..sampai saya akhirnya menjawab "because I like teaching from children to adults, so I would like to apply and share my knowledge."(gak nyambung!) tapi saya blank mau jawab apa. Apa yang saya lihat dari anak kecil selain mereka itu lucu and polos? agak menyesal dengan jawaban yang udah keluar tapi gimana lagi, pertanyaannya terlalu dalam dan gak penting, pada intinya saya suka anak-anak alasannya abstrak. Kesalahan saya adalah saya emosi dan saya merasakan itu, emosi karena menurut saya pertanyaan yang sama diulang-ulang, tesnya gak penting. Akhirnya saat ditanya "apakah ada pertanyaan? "saya tanya "tujuan interview ini apa? " tapi ya gak emosi dengan senyum habis saya gak tau mau tanya apa lagi soalnya semua udah jelas dari website dan interview tahap pertama. 

Dari begitu cepatnya interview saya sadar pasti gagal nih, soalnya itu berarti para interviewer gak tertarik. Tapi masih berharap-harap semoga ada bintang keberuntungan memihak saya. Tetapi sampai 1 bulan lebih saya tidak dipanggil lagi, lalu saya bertanya dengan cici yang melamar di sekolah itu juga dia sudah dipanggil lagi 2 minggu sesudahnya membicarakan gaji dan peraturan sekolah. Tapi, karena rasa penasaran yang besar dan keras kepada gak terima ternyata saya ditolak! Maka, saya kirimlah email terima kasih dan bertanya bagaimana proses selanjutnya, tetapi dicuekin..alias gak dibalas sama sekali...ya sudahlah, let go. Waktu itu rasanya seperti patah hati ..lebih parah dari jatuh cinta trus patah hati..*lebay* yang pasti kecewa.

Maka dari itu pelajaran dari interview ini bakal saya ingat, karena interview kali ini juga baru awal2 pengalaman interview jadi belum pengalaman jawab pertanyaan-pertanyaan. Hal-hal yang saya petik dari interview kali ini adalah:

@ harapan-harapan yang terlalu tinggi bisa menghancurkan performance kita, kalaupun sampai di final interview maka itu jangan over confidence akibatnya kita jadi menyepelekan interview tersebut.

@ Jaga emosi apaun yang ditanya atau sikap dari interviewer harus sabar dan senyum.Saya punya karakter tidak sabaran dan gak suka bertele-tele makanya lagi melatih supaya bisa kontrol emosi hehehe..

@ Hati-hati dengan expected salary yang diisi di form, sebaiknya tuliskan range dan jangan terlalu tinggi (range di atas 5 juta itu gak mungkin buat gaji guru sekalipun guru di skul international masih berkisar di bawah 5 juta apalagi masih non-experience; kecuali kalau skul international yang kita mau lamar sudah punya nama beken, banyak murid, dan stabil bisa dapat di atas 5 juta)apalagi yang belum punya pengalaman seperti saya walaupun secara pendidikan sudah menunjang, lebih baik tulis gaji yang sedang-sedang aja terus dikurungin negotiable.

@ Persiapan interview itu penting, mau berapa kalipun pernah diwawancara tetap harus persiapan!

@ Kalau ditolak atau gagal interview jangan putus asa, lamar lagi ke tempat-tempat lain dan lagi.. 

Cari kerja itu gak gampang...(1)

Sejak dari bulan Februari saya mulai melamar pekerjaan. Saat itu saya berpikir untuk bekerja menjadi guru sekolah internasional. Walaupun saya tidak mempunyai ijazah atau pengalaman menjadi guru tapi sejak dulu saat saya mulai memberikan les kepada anak kecil saya jadi tertarik untuk mengajar karena saya merasa ada keasikan sendiri, ditambah pula saya menguasai Bahasa Inggris dan Mandarin, dan sayang kalau tidak terpakai ditambah lingkungan di Indonesia kurang sekali menunjang praktek bahasa asing. Maka dari itu saya berpikir untuk mencari pekerjaan dimana saya dapat menggunakan kedua bahasa ini atau paling tidak mengasahnya dengan berkomunikasi. Pilihan saya tertuju pada mengajar karena dengan mengajar otomatis kita jadi belajar untuk meningkatkan dan mengasah kemampuan kita, supaya murid yang diajar juga makin bertambah ilmu gurunya juga menjadi lebih tau banyak.


Sekolah internasional pun jadi target CV karena di sekolah internasional otomatis kita harus menggunakan kedua bahasa tersebut saat mengajar anak-anak, ditambah dari cerita teman saya yang telah menjadi guru di sekolah internasional katanya gajinya besar (melebihi gaji manager loh! ya iyalah..1 anak uang sekolah 5 jt/bln). Sekolah internasional pertama yang memanggil saya dan juga interview kedua. Sekolah internasional ini bukan sembarangan sekolah dan mayoritas lebih ditekankan pada bahasa Mandarin.Saya pun senang sekali dapat panggilan dari sekolah itu, mulai deh membaca tips-tips interview cara berpakaian, posisi duduk, ekspresi, dll. Saat mengisi form tertulis di sekolah itu, tidak tanggung-tanggung saya menulis expected salary yang sangat tinggi (setelah saya meninjau ulang dan interview ke banyak tempat)!. 


Pada saat interview dengan orang pertama di ruang kelas (sepertinya jabatannya HRD) dia mewawancarai saya dengan bahasa Mandarain, karena saya melamar untuk guru bahasa Inggris atau bahasa Mandarin! Jujur, saya tidak ada persiapan jadi saat ditanya untuk memperkenalkan diri dalam bahasa mandarin, saya jadi kagok dan keliahatan tidak lancar ditambah pula lupa dengan salah satu sebutan untuk gelar S2 dalam bahasa mandarin, saya sempat pause untuk berpikir "apa ya?" dengan muka berpikir keras. Malu banget! dalam form yang saya isi kemampuan speaking chinese dari kurang, cukup, bagus, langsung dicoret turun level. Sedih deh :(


Selanjutnya, saya dibawa ke ruang wakil kepala sekolah SD disini saya wawancara dengan bahasa Inggris, bahasa Inggris ibu gurunya lumayan bagus untuk ukuran orang lokal tapi dia masih merendah hati kalau bahasa Inggrisnya kurang bagus dan mengucapkan maaf karena bahasa Inggrisnya yang kurang. Saat wawancara dengan bahasa Inggris tidak menjadi masalah, saya bisa dengan lancar menjawab setiap pertanyaan walaupun sepertinya ada grammar yang salah saat ngomong. Tapi yang lebih susah itu adalah pertanyaannya! 


Pertanyaan standar seperti "Kenapa kamu memilih kerja jadi guru?  gak kerja di kantor aja secara gaji di kantor lebih besar dari guru, latar belakang pendidikan juga gak ada hubungan sama sekali jadi guru.", pengalaman kerja dulu, apakah saya bersedia mengikuti peraturan sekolah seperti ini itu, dan pertanyaan yang paling susah menurut saya adalah "apa yang kamu lakukan kalau ada murid kamu yang berkelahi?", "bagaimana kamu mengatur kelas karena berbeda dengan ngajar les yang cuma beberapa orang, di kelas kamu akan menghadapi banyak murid?", "bagaimana kamu menghadapi orang tua murid yang komplain karena anaknya berkelahi di kelas?" untungnya hari sebelumnya saya sempat baca artikel tentang "class management" karena saya kan tidak ada pengalaman sama sekali menjadi guru, jadi saya gunakan isi artikel itu untuk menjawab pertanyaan ibu wakil kepsek. Kelihatannya interview berjalan lancar walaupun saya dag dig dug jawab pertanyaannya, karena tidak saya sangka bakal ditanya mendalam dan detail. 


Selang seminggu saya dipanggil lagi final interview dengan harapan berbunga-bunga saya kira saya bakal diterima jadi saya tidak begitu mempersiapkan apa2, hanya browsing-brrowsing artikel seandainya pertanyaan sama terulang dan bagaimana memperkenalkan diri sendiri dalam mandarin dan sudah terbayang-bayang akan ditanya soal gaji dan negosiasi, akan tetapi... (to be continue)....

I miss those memories

It has been almost more than 3 months since I'm back to Jakarta and Im still unemployed. I know this feeling is sucks and for most people who are jobless would feel the same. Besides of looking for a job, doing many interviews and practicing myself for interview...the most I feel is I miss all memories I ever had while I studied overseas..

I keep looking back how happy was I when I was in Malaysia and China, it felt so free....of course I still had homesick back then. I miss so many things that I have had experienced there..

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia..

this was my first time study abroad..I cried for the first 3 days and had homesick and need 3 months to adapt. But then, I get used to everything. Everything became so much fun.

I changed room twice and overall 4 roomates have stayed with me along my study there...Each of them has own characteristic and different experience. I never choose who is my roomate but then after they leave you may have some expectation what kind of person you wish to stay with. My first roomate was Indonesian, second was Iranian, third and fourth were Malaysian-Chinese. In the dorm, I stayed in double room , it is really mini size..maybe 4X6 metres, 2 beds, 2 study desks, and one shared-bathroom. we can see each other and the distance between our bed just 100 cm , I think. Only one person can walk on that distance. We cleaned our room by ourself and sometimes my roomate or me cooked inside the room. I must have breakfast everyday so the quickest and the laziest food is boiled egg, bread with jam and one glass of milk. I ate those breakfast during my stay in KL, now I feel sick with boiled egg.

I still can remember the memory of me walking every afternoon to buy lunch at Mama Kitchen near my dormitory. I went down to the lift, said Hi to the "Makcik" a security lady..then crossed the street ..the weather was terribly hot then I can see those Indian shopkeeper, Giant supermarket, Malay women who sold clothes, Pizza Hut...

Then I arrived at Mama Kitchen , a cheap Chinese ala carte restaurant.. sometimes I ate there if I went along with my friend, but most of the time I took it away..

The restaurant always crowd at lunch time.. Then I would pass the Mama, or her husband, or her son who are always at cashier.. We lined the queue, then their quick hands would count our dishes and gave us change.. mostly I spent 5RM-10 RM for lunch...and really big size.

Another restaurant is an Indonesian restaurant called "Kafe Mesra" selling TomYam and other Thai food.. It is weird while the chef and waitress are Indonesian but they sell Thai food? anyway, the taste are not bad, just we have to wait for a looonggg time, we often pissed off because we had to wait for almost 1 hour at dinner time. So we the other option is the Ali Maju, next to Kafe Mesra. Ali Maju is an Indian restaurant which most of the waitresses cant speak English very well but can speak Malay a little bit (food vocabs)..It is a Indian-muslim restaurant. They keep shaking their head after talking one word and it is really funny..but they always make mistake with our order. They sell Chinese food too and of course mix with a little India ingredients and style, the taste is really awful. The best to order is Roti Canai and some India foods.

Surrounding my dormitory is Bangsar area..this is quite high end place and rich people stay there. In Bangsar we can shop at outdoor Boutique or cafe-ing..I seldom to shop there coz can't bargain much even though the boutiques have many pretty dress..Oh, and they hold night market every Wednesday? (can't remember) it is really nice coz there are so many delicious and street foods there.. Hmm.. eating at night is like a habit for people there and trust me their food is really not bad..sluurrrpp!!

Then I spent my evening had chat with my friend on another floor or just stayed at level 1 to enjoy the aircon and saw other students while playing my laptop or doing assignments. Also, with my classmate rode her motorbike went somewhere, I missed her , we lost contact after she back to Batam.

Most of the time I spent for chit-chatting and I enjoyed it..then if I was not lazy I would go to my two close friends at Casa Damansara by bus..we had chat, watched movie, discussed assignments, cooked Chinese foods..then at night I went back to my dorm. FYI, as a student we got discount for the cinema ticket really cheap..9 RM (Ringgit) on weekdays at Tropicana Mall, 12 RM at Mid Valley..

On the weekend , Me and my friends went to some shopping centre at Bukit Bintang. I always like to go there, there are so many malls and stuffs from low price to high end, many foreigners walked by. We usually went there by bus and LRT..sometimes I went alone to a mall just because feel so bored..

Other nicest things are KL is near Singapore and the transportation to go to another cities are really convenient.. we can go to Pudu Raya- a bus terminal centre that has many buses that provide transportation to Malaka, Genting, Johor Bahru, ALor, Penang, etc...

I can feel adventurous feeling pumping up my body, it was really exciting to manage which city you wanna go     alone or with friends or family.

We blame, we don't respect

We blame each other~

you make this fault, why you never change? why you didn't do this?

She went to the room and muttered with red face, how messy that room. You all day here and why you never clean it?

*Those mess not me who made it, all stuff were not mine~ (grumpy). "It is useless to clean it when the person who make the mess never realize how selfish she is and never want to organize her stuff. Plus, she always hurt me with her attitude. ..(in my mind)

I went up to look if I could do something to help but then she slammed the door on face and shouted "Go down!"

Another 'She'came back from school complained about her clean and tidy room, blamed me why I didn't watch when the room was being cleaned. As the result, some of her stuff were gone.

We don't respect each other~

We are talking to each other very loud and impolite seem like I owe something to you.

Me: Please open the air-con I am sweating..

*No, it is raining outside, don't you see? Besides I don't want to open Air-con

I go down and open the fan..

*Then, she open the air-con.

Those kind of thins almost happen every day, rude and emotional conversation with impolite attitude, loud voice. People said "words is sharper than a blade" this is absolutely true. Today, I looked up the sky and wished I could leave this home very soon. Is it the best decision to stay here? I really hope can forget all these hurts and forgive them.

Everybody is selfish they think they are right and other is stupid. They only see everything from their side without thinking others' feeling. They think I'm ok with that, I'm used to it. They treat me like I am the wrong one. Please don't use me as a bin for your bad emotion. After you throw away your emotion to me and feel like nothing has happened, honestly it has created a hole in my heart. Even though you don't mean it, please be careful with your words. How can I respect my self if you always curse me. I can't speak out in this home, I have no right. How can I expect people outside listen to me if the closest people in your life never listen ?

Look inside myself

Reflection..:

Everyday I just feel that my emotions have changed, a little by a little..I'm not growing mature instead become more temperamental. I'm easily fussed, upset and less laughing..Gosh..

I think I always getting agitated since I was back at home, getting upset with all noises, annoying and impolite behavior of my sister (sometimes I just hope one day something can make her realize and change). Now I always ignore her hoping that one day her bad iritating words will eat her! I'm easily upset with hot weather too. This is ridiculous, I started doing frown face and grumbling with annoying things. As the result, these days when I saw my face in front of the mirror I feel old and ugly, an unhappy face in front of me..

:( dang!

Another thing is I just feel I can't communicate so good with my friends, hopefully this is just my feeling. It becomes indifferent or I'm just too "cold"?? whatever it is, I just miss old days.

I also always dreaming, some new targets what I wanna achieve but then I tell myself, "slowly and don't expect too much coz you will get hurt if you are not able to reach or make your dreams come true"...

Who's fault?

Today I was the audience of Dad and sis argumentation. The content of what they argued was not so important. My sis felt that my father gave her too much advise and made her confused all the time about what program she has to take in the uni. On the other side, my father didn't feel that he forced her or made her confused, he just wanted to help her by giving as much as information about schools and he complained how my sis was impolite and was not grateful...

Well, I can't blame anyone..I can understand my sis feelings'...and I can understand my Dad attitude, he always comments of everything, how we supposed to do, how he did, our mistakes and so on. It sounds that he is the right one...

Now let's see from Dad's view... he wants to tell us or guide us to choose in better way, and we just felt annoyed by that..He feels we don't respect him, dont wanna listen to his comments and advise..he has good intention and care his kids, what's wrong?

In my view, we don't understand each person character, we show our mind and who we are without considering others feelings or opinion. Dad less praises of our achievement. He perceives we haven't enough clever to handle problems and take care ourselves. But I know Dad just wants the best and wants us learn more. However, as their children it just make us become dependent, not able to make decision coz we are afraid we dont take the best decision and we are influenced with all advise and comments. FYI, our brain can't cope with too much information too. But I really appreciate my Dad, he really gives good advise and support whenever I feel not confidence and anxious. He is the most logical person and stable mind so this what I should learn from him.

Maybe one day when I became parents I would do the same and knew their feelings..

Hello and Goodbye...

Tic-toc... time is moving..my second week and my last month in Malaysia..

My mind is full of thoughts...too boring maybe. Yesterday, I passed my with my old classmate in English course, a quiet Korean boy. We used to be a good classmate in English course two years ago but we just seldom talking each other. After all, we just said "hello", 'hi', waved our hand, smiled then passed...

Till yesterday I saw him quite long..when we passed by. How long I haven't met this boy? Will I meet him again? Maybe not, the last thought is 'I will never see him again'..

This moment has made me think...Should I say goodbye to all my friends here before I leave this country? Should I make farewell with my friends here? Will we meet again? what would it be like? Will we still be friends?

How hard is saying "goodbye"~~~

But then, even though we are in the same country with our best friends, how often we meet each other? how often we talk with them? not only to friends, also to our family who we grew up with under the same roof

I counted how long I have spent time with my family... (ok I never can count time...those huors, mins, secs come to my mind hehe) but then, I just knew, it was much lesser time I spent with my old friends ..

I can't hope everything will be last forever. I had joy , I had fun, and I knew it would end one day ..

But I don't like saying goodbye and sad ending. Sometimes my intuition works, I just know I will meet him/ her again one day or wont meet him/her again ever in my life...

anyway, if u tell me "I' m gonna miss you", "We wont meet again.."

I would say:" Don't worry, we will meet again one day." I'm pretty sure with my unsure feelings who knows??!

The New Year is a new beginning

HOLA! HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011

Today is the first day of 2011. What is so special about new year? actually we do the same things as like yesterday and our normal days , don't we?

For me, the new year is new hopes that will come to my life, new stories to learn for the end of the year, new challenges so just get ready for it. I'm a quite adventurous person about new things. Am I always sound positive? HOnestly, I'm not. I have severe nervous attack and my brain can't stop imagining the worst events before I make a big decision or gonna do a new thing. Cause of this negative mind, it results on stress and sickness. what will happen when I'm doing this? Will I meet nice people there? Will they hate me ? what if they do this and that? what if I cant do well? will I be failed? "what if ".. and "will" questions are coming .

This anxiety disorder (that's I would call it to make it easy) was even damn worst when I was a teenager , high school period was a nightmare and college world was much better, I can't say it was a wonderful moment as like other people.

I still remember when I got my first English speech in the public. I was never thought be a winner in that speech would be so challenging mentally. I did my English competition in the afternoon and I won. I was so relax in the afternoon because I had prepared enough when it was my turn to deliver my speech.

P.S: it was only a small competition where I competed with other chosen classmates.

And suddenly, the jury told me the winner should deliver the speech again in front of parents and all students in the evening. DANG! starting from that hour, minute, and second, my heart was beating so fast and It was going to explode nearly my turn in the evening. I was walking back-forth hundreds times like an iron (if I was a real iron, the cloth would burn) and drinking all the way coz I had butterfly in my stomach (I dun wanna puke bfore my turn) ..my friend always laughing so hard every time she remembered this..

In the end, I did well with catatonic posture on the stage. I could not make a flexible gesture, my hands and feet seemed nailed on the place. I could not give my best smile to the audience. All I wanted was getting that speech done and walked down from the stage.

There is a sentence, everything is actually not that worst as we imagine. When I looked back, I have passed all those stupid anxiety making events, the results were not bad. And those challenges finally passed.

A title of one stories from Ajahn Brahm's book reminds me:

"In the end, This is gonna be over". It is applied when you are in the extremely hilarious mood, euphoria or in the desperately side of gloomy, stress and sadness... It is all gonna be over..

This sentence is gonna be my guide for 2011, cause I'm a bit nervous about studying to China next month~sigh. Anyway, it is gonna be a new story for me in 2011 as well...

Feeling back HOME

This December 2010 is the happiest month because I am at HOME.. the greatest feeling of going back is the feeling of all hassle things at home. My home is not a typical quite family and peaceful environment. We all have loud voice (I'm loud at home only). My parents and my sister are having high volume voice, we like shouting and yelling each other, it is not fun but that's my family type. I always wondering our neighbour might get used to it already and think our family always have arguments. While we tell about A topic it will develop to another D, G.F topic, from the past to present. It's funny somehow when I think of that. And, it is normal for me for not talking whole day. we are not a romantic family with lots of hug and kisses or warmth words. Well, this is not only my family and I think all families in this world would have the same experience. All I can say here is I love my family :D..


Another feeling is when I came to the temple and prayed in Sanskrit and Indonesian. I really love this feeling and how I missed to recite those mantras for ages. It feels fresh and enlightened my mind. I always pray "please always lead and guide me to the right way" because deeply inside, my heart telling me something has changed and I might go to the wrong way.

and oh yeah, I met my long lost friends. We havent met for ages..It was really nice while we were talking and laughing. Love you all my friends and sorry because we have lose contact for a long time and we will lost contact again. However, I believe...
"It does not matter if the person you used to close with or maybe this person has significantly changed and forget about you. Yet, the most important is you will always know and remember the feeling you have shared together. This feeling will never be replaced in your heart." We enjoyed the laughter and happiness and wish it will last and we hope we could forget all misery and sadness events in the past. In the end, all these memories would stay still in our deepest unconscious mind.

I might blame How could he/she change and totally different from the past, but then I realized that I am not the same person as yesterday and so does everyone..

Smile, how simple it is..

Today, I was inspired by the teaching of an American monk named Vimala Ramsi and I would like to write it back what I've got from the talk. He taught about meditation and how simple it is based on Sutta/ the origin of Buddha's teaching.

Meditation is purely to bring happiness for us thus we always see Buddha with a little smiling expression. We always think that this life is full of pain and suffer. We feel suffer because we have desire and attachment. While we can fulfill our desire we feel suffer like sadness, disappointment and all negative feelings come up. Could you still smile when you feel suffer? Yeah, everybody could.

Smiling every day would bring happiness even though we are in a bad mood. It is part of meditation though. When you aware with your anger or sad feeling you would not take it personally and see it as "it's only..." . You will not fight back or indulge in that feelings but just see it as "Oh, it's anger.." not "I'm MAD!"..... Of course, you have to practice it over time and I believe everyone can do it. It's important to know, hear the truth and when you can just "laugh" to it, you would feel relief and happy. Knowing the truth sometimes makes you deeply painful but then when you can just laugh to it, Why should I bother? It is a good thing!

We could radiate love and kindness by smiling, it shouldnt be reflected by our face but we can smile from our heart. When we see people suffering we CAN'T help to let go their pain, because it is "theirs".. we can not do nothing and we do not have to add more people by sharing pain..(this is the ultimate point for me, because I always think we should be sad in the sad situation or meeting sad people). Well.... we do not have to laugh or crazily smile while facing terribly sad situation but instead of doing that we could radiate our love and kindness, hope that they will be happy in their life and make them smile. Believe it or not, smile expression can stimulate positive signal to our brain and bring out happiness feeling. Plus, it is contagious! when we smile to others they (of course) have to smile back so that we give them one shot happiness ;p..

Overall, keep practicing smile to everybody and spread happiness, love and kindness from our heart. When happiness is an option, why we can not choose it as part of our life, having fun with problems and hurts (this is my words) and in the end you just look back and smile to it.

2010 Memories

WOW! It is almost the end of year 2010. Today I was reading one of my friend's blog and it is inspiring me to update my personal blog. I totally forgot about my own blog~~ sorry my blog :p

This time I am going to reflect back my 2010. Once, my friend asked me "how do you think of 2010, now is December.."

well...well.... All of sudden every moment flashed in my mind. What I have done so far..? what things i feel not satisfied? and in the end I can't regret of everything happened in my 2010.. what I can say "each year has different story, different moment and different goal"

This year I have noticed something changed with myself either I'm going mature or less mature :/ haha..

anyway, I realize Who Am I indeed. I am still a shy and reserved girl but this year I could do something that I would have never imagined. I do not have to explain what I did here. I could have lost the "OLD" me. Fortunately, it does not happen.

Thanks to people who I met this year with their totally opposite mind, attitude and behavior. The good thing is I can stand on myself, cause it is morality and psychologically challenging. I can't judge how bad people from their behavior because I know I am not good enough and not my business though. And it is totally wrong if I am comparing myself with others~ Everyone has different world.

"Letting go" lesson~ I saw how hard to let go someone who we love (because he/she leaves you or you have to leave him/her). Tears, angers, hatred, and denial. Forgive is the hardest part and I believe the harder we can forgive this person, the harder we can forget. By the way, it is not only about love issue, also for every relationship we have with family, relatives, and friends.

It is easily to say yeah.. I know. What I know, it is important to protect your own heart and yourself. After all, it is just mind-game where we do not focus much on how suffer and desperate your life cause actually it is not as worst as you think.

I met many people and see how people actually lost in their life, you know you're not alone. And some people who are really confidence with their life path and success. I might be the one who still do not know my future and I am desperately need a stable life. Every night I tell to myself, Ok, D.. what's next? what are you going to do next? a year has gone. My mood was up and down lately. I have finished all things here (just a little more) and I'm ready for the next stage of my life..

I would miss all FUN and relax time in Malaysia (maybe relax is not the right word because I always have something to do, finding something to make me busy or just to kill my time. I'm easily bored actually. However, it is considered as RELAX compare than super busy women at my age).

In the end, again, I'm struggling with myself, "Come on! what do you want?!" ~~!!

A Story of Emotions

"Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feeling lived:

Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others, including Love.

One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.

Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.

When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?"

Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place for you."

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. "Vanity, please help me!"

"I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat, " Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me go with you."

"Oh..........Love, I am so sad that I need to be myself!"

Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love. I will take you." It was an elder.

So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Realizing how much was owed the elder.

Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who helped me?"

"It was Time," Knowledge answered.

"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"

Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered,

"Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is"

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This story I copied from a website. I feel touched with this simple story so I'd like to share with all readers here. This story reminds me with the real world where people has forgot about what is Love and caring people we love.

Last but not least, the last favorite sentence:

"Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is"

It makes me really believe that Time can make people value love, respect and grateful with what we have now.